Friends and Family of MAPs

Answers and support for friends and family members of MAPs

If you're reading this then you probably have a friend or family member (most likely the person who showed you this website) who is attracted to minors. This is presumably a lot to take in, so we made this page to answer common questions and give you the information you need to support your friend or family member. We know this can be a difficult topic for some, so take it at your own pace. You can always leave and come back later if you start to feel overwhelmed or upset.

Quick Answers

You probably have a thousand questions racing through your head. Let's answer the big ones so you have a better understanding of what this means and why you're reading this.

Can I trust this website?

You don't need to trust us! We'll link all our sources and provide additional references so you can do your own research and verify all of our claims yourself. All our content is based on the latest research and reviewed by people who experience these attractions to ensure it's as accurate as possible.

What is a MAP?

A minor-attracted person (MAP) is, simply put, somebody who experiences attractions to minors. The term does not indicate anything about a person's actions or suggest that they have committed any illegal activity. Though it usually refers to sexual attractions, there are MAPs who experience romantic or other forms of attractions towards minors. The term was popularized by mental health experts at B4U-ACT and is used by experts in the mental health and child protection fields. We use "MAP" instead of "pedophile" because the latter refers specifically to someone who is attracted to prepubescent children, while "MAP" includes people attracted pubescent and post-pubescent minors.

There is a lot of false information about MAPs and minor attractions online, so be aware that content you previously encountered may have been misleading. Later, we'll share resources and advice to help you identify and avoid misinformation about MAPs.

If you encounter other unfamiliar terms on this site, check out our dictionary to learn more about the terminology we use.

What causes minor attractions?

The origins of minor attractions have been widely discussed among researchers, with numerous theories having been developed and tested, each with their own shortcomings. In all likelihood, minor attractions are caused by a unique combination of genetic and environmental factors for each individual who experiences them. Despite the lack of any universal cause, experts overwhelmingly agree that minor attractions are not a choice - a conclusion which is supported by the lived experiences of MAPs. Some MAPs attribute their attractions to a specific childhood experience, but although there is some evidence that early life experiences may play a role in shaping attractions, there is no proof that any specific event can be the sole cause of an individual's attraction to minors.

Are MAPs a danger to kids?

In general, MAPs are not a danger to children, the same way you are not a danger to the people you find attractive. Minor attractions work like other attractions, and MAPs are able to refrain from acting on attractions to individuals who cannot consent just like you would avoid acting on an attraction to someone who wasn't interested. Current research indicates that the vast majority of MAPs never commit a sexual offense (including viewing illegal content), so there is little reason to suspect that the MAP you know will harm a child.

Furthermore, the very act of telling you about their attractions suggests that your MAP friend or family member has no desire to offend. After all, no predator would want the added scrutiny elicited by coming out as a MAP. Most MAPs risk serious social repercussions when disclosing their attractions to a friend or family member, so the decision to do so is rarely a hasty one. Your friend or family member needs your support and understanding, not to be treated with suspicion.

As scary and upsetting as it may be to learn that your friend or family member is attracted to minors, it is important to remember that said friend or family member is likely even more terrified. MAPs who come out risk being ostracized, harassed, or even outed if they tell the wrong person about their attractions. As a result, coming out is almost always accompanied by high levels of stress and anxiety for MAPs. Try to remain outwardly calm and be as supportive as possible.

Coming Out

If your friend or family member shared this website with you in order to come out as a MAP, it's important that you respond in a way that is comforting and supportive.

Why MAPs come out

There are a several reasons why a MAP may come out to a friend or family member. Hiding their attractions can cause MAPs to feel isolated from close friends and loved ones. Coming out is a way to alleviate these feelings and reconnect with others.

Feelings of isolation, along with the widespread use of hateful language surrounding MAPs and minor attractions, cause many MAPs to experience mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. As a result, more than one in three MAPs experience suicidal thoughts, and many feel unsafe looking for support. Some MAPs come out as a last-ditch effort to get help when they feel unable to cope with their situation alone.

Of course, not all MAPs who come out do so for these reasons. If you are unsure why your friend or family member chose to disclose their attractions to you, just ask. They will likely welcome the opportunity to share their reasoning and explain how you can best support them moving forward.

How to respond

If a MAP friend or family member first discloses their attractions to you, provide reassurance and encourage them to share any additional information that they feel is necessary. If you're still not sure what to say, we've provided an example below.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to share this. I'm not going to overreact and I will support you however I can. Can I ask why you chose to tell me about this?"

After this initial reassurance, allow your friend or family member to share as much information as they want. This is likely one of the most stressful experiences of their life, so their speaking might be abrupt and hard to follow. Asking basic clarifying questions when the conversation reaches a lull will solve this while demonstrating that you care about and want to understand their situation.

Mistakes to avoid

Coming out as a MAP is a terrifying experience, and the wrong reaction could be upsetting or even frightening to your friend or family member. Avoid the following:

Unsupportive language - It can be tempting to "remind" your friend or family member that child sexual abuse is illegal or that children can't consent. However, this is unnecessary, as they likely wouldn't be telling you about their attractions if they believed otherwise, and it may be interpreted as an accusation.

Judgement - If you have strong feelings about your friend or family member's attractions, expressing them could be hurtful. Remember that attractions alone cannot directly cause harm, and focus on being supportive. Do not assume they they have engaged in illegal activity, which most MAPs never do, and avoid questions that could come off as accusatory.

Encouraging suppression - Some people believe that MAPs are less likely to offend if they suppress their attractions. This is untrue, and research suggests that attempts to suppress sexual thoughts may cause them to increase in intensity and frequency.

Controlling support - Many MAPs struggle with mental health issues, and support can help them overcome these, but it only works when it is a choice. Actions like forcing your friend or family member into therapy or preventing them from accessing support groups could further harm their mental health.

Outing them - Due to widespread stigma, your friend or family member could face numerous threats to their career, property, and wellbeing if their attractions become known to the wrong person. Their attractions are nobody's business but their own, and disclosing them to others should always be their decision,

Supporting the MAP you know

Supporting a MAP can be tricky, and it's important to ensure your friend or family member always has the final say in which sources of support they pursue. Note that effective support for MAPs will be centered around self-acceptance and overcoming mental health issues caused by stigma. In rare cases where a MAP is concerned about their risk of offending, support may also include strategies to reduce that risk.

If you believe your MAP friend or family member would benefit from extra support, explain why you feel that way and ask if they would like your help finding said support. If they say yes, you can send them our list of resources, which contains expert-backed support for MAPs. If the MAP you know is a minor, share our Minor MAPs page instead. You and your friend or family member can also use our Content Guidelines to evaluate any resources you find that are not on our list.

If you want to go the extra mile and help make the world a more supportive place for MAPs, check out our Allies page to learn about accomplishing that. Most importantly, remember that your friend or family member is still the same person that you knew and cared about before they came out, and be sure to avoid treating them differently.

Though it may feel overwhelming, you're not alone, and there are others who share similar experiences. Your MAP friend or family member will want to support you, and there are many people who experience having a friend or family member come out to them as a minor-attracted person. Some of these people work to provide other friends and family members of MAPs with support. Others may choose to share their stories publicly to raise awareness about their experiences.

Stories

These stories demonstrate how the lives of minor-attracted people can be impacted by the presence of supportive friends and family members. Click each image to reveal.

In an illustration, a boy sits on a bed with his arms resting on his thighs, casting a shadow on a toy train on the floor below him.

The story of a 16-year-old pedophile who had to create a support group for himself and other young MAPs after realizing there were limited options for people like him to find support.

Trigger warning for discussion of child abuse

A young woman sits with her side to the camera holding her hand up to cover her face. The image is greyscale and set against a black background in a greyscale photograph.

This article explores the challenges faced by minor MAPs - children and teenagers attracted to significantly younger children - and explains how society can do more to support them.

A man sits in a field of long grass surrounded by trees with a woman who is affectionately leaning her back against his chest and resting her face on his shoulder.

Learning that a loved one is attracted to minors can be overwhelming. This article shares the experience of a MAP's partner and how they came to accept and support their spouse.

Three shoes, one very small, one medium sized, and one large, sit atop a wooden chest in a black-and-white photograph.

In this podcast episode, a minor-attracted person's mother describes her role in her son's journey to receive support and discusses the needs of friends and family members of MAPs.

Support

It can be difficult to deal with the knowledge that your friend or family member is a MAP alone. Several resources exist to give people in your situation support and community.

Support Groups

Talking to others who have MAP friends or family members can help you identify and overcome various challenges.

Virtuous Pedophiles logo

Virtuous Pedophiles

Reach out using the information on their Contact Us page and mention that you are interested in joining their peer support group for friends and family members of MAPs.

B4U-ACT logo, the characters B 4 U A C T set against a faded blue background.

B4U-ACT

Email outreach@b4uact.org or use the information on their Contact page to reach out and inquire about joining their support group for friends and family members of MAPs.

Want to improve support for other friends and family members of MAPs?

Congratulations! You're now much better prepared to support any friends or family members who come out to you as a MAP. Of course, there is always more to learn about this topic, and we encourage you to continue searching for answers whenever you have questions. However, be aware that there is a lot of false information out there that could cause you to hold harmful beliefs and damage your relationship with your friend or family member. Stay vigilant as you learn.

Learn More

You probably still have questions, and we want to help you find answers. These resources are available to help you learn more about MAPs and minor attractions on your own time.

Avoid misinformation

There is a lot of misinformation circulating about MAPs, especially online. If you want to seek additional information, you should know how to identify misleading claims. We have a blog post to help you do just that. Your MAP friend or family member may also be able to provide you with additional tips and sources.

Read the research

If you plan to do your own research, it is important to ensure you are using reliable sources with updated information on MAPs and their attractions. Our Research Summary has a synopsis of the most recent research on MAPs and links to additional sources for anyone who is interested in learning more.