Friends and Family of MAPs

You don't need to trust us! We'll link to all our sources and provide additional references so you can verify our claims. All of our content is based on the latest research and reviewed by people who are attracted to minors to ensure it's as accurate as possible. You can learn more about how we keep MAP Resources trustworthy and safe here.

A minor-attracted person (MAP) is somebody who experiences attractions to minors. This usually refers to sexual attractions, but there are MAPs who experience romantic or other types of attractions to minors.

The term was popularized by mental health experts and is used by experts in the child protection field. Someone being a MAP does not mean they have committed immoral or illegal actions. You can learn more about MAPs in our blog post.

This website uses "MAP" instead of "pedophile" because the latter only refers to people who are attracted to prepubescent children, while "MAP" includes those attracted to pubescent and post-pubescent minors.

There are lots of false claims out there about MAPs and minor attractions, so be aware that you may have seen misleading information. Later, we'll share resources and advice to help you identify and avoid misinformation about MAPs.

If you encounter other unfamiliar terms, check out our dictionary to learn more about the terminology we use.

Most MAPs are not a danger to children, just like you are not a danger to people you find attractive. Minor attractions work like other attractions, and MAPs can generally avoid acting on attractions to minors just like you wouldn't act on an attraction to someone who didn't like you back. Research indicates that the vast majority of MAPs never commit a sexual offense (including viewing harmful content).

The act of telling you about their attractions further suggests that your MAP friend or family member is unlikely to offend. After all, what predator would want the added scrutiny from telling you this? Most MAPs face significant risks when telling a friend or family member about their attractions, so the decision to come out is rarely a hasty one. Your friend or family member is asking for your support and understanding, not your suspicion.

Of course, child abuse still can and does occur, sometimes at the hands of MAPs. Parents and guardians should always take steps to keep their kids safe, no matter the attractions of people in their children's lives.

Experts have developed numerous theories about the origins of minor attractions, each with its own shortcomings. In all likelihood, minor attractions are caused by a unique combination of genetic and environmental factors for each MAP. Despite the lack of any known universal cause, experts agree that minor attractions are not a choice, and this is supported by the lived experiences of MAPs.

Some MAPs attribute their attractions to a specific experience - often childhood trauma. Although there is some evidence that early life events may play a role in shaping attractions, experts are unsure whether an individual event can be the sole cause of an individual's attraction to minors.

For MAPs who are minors themselves (meaning attracted to much younger kids, not their peers), the mental health challenges from discovering their attractions can be exacerbated by their inability to access many forms of support without parental permission.

It's no surprise, then, that the average age for a MAP to first attempt suicide is just 14 years old. This is also the average age at which MAPs first discover their attractions to minors. Unfortunately, well-intentioned parents sometimes make things worse by unnecessarily isolating their child from peers or enrolling them in one of the troubled teen industry's abusive "treatment" programs.

No parent wants their child to suffer, and reading this page is a good first step to learning how to support your kid. Keep in mind that they may be uncomfortable talking about their attractions or asking for your help and take the time to ensure your desire to support them is clear. You can check out our resources page for minor MAPs to see the support options available for your child. You can also share our infographic to help raise awareness of minor MAPs among parents.

There are two categories of MAPs: exclusive (only attracted to children) and non-exclusive (attracted to both children and adults). Research shows that non-exclusive MAPs are capable of maintaining long-term romantic and sexual relationships with adult partners. Therefore, if your partner is a non-exclusive MAP, their attractions likely will not prevent your relationship from continuing.

Exclusive MAPs can still engage in relationships beyond friendship with adults, and although they will not be attracted to their partner, they may still choose to include romantic and sexual elements in the relationship, usually to express appreciation for and provide pleasure to their partner. If your partner is an exclusive MAP, work with them to figure out what you both want the future of your relationship to look like.

There are several reasons why a MAP may come out to a friend or family member. Hiding their attractions can cause MAPs to feel isolated from close friends and loved ones. Coming out is a way to alleviate these feelings and reconnect with others.

Feelings of isolation, along with the widespread use of hateful language in discussions of MAPs and minor attractions, cause many MAPs to experience mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. As a result, more than one in three MAPs have suicidal thoughts, and many feel unsafe looking for support. Some MAPs come out as a last-ditch effort to get help when they feel unable to cope with their situation alone.

Of course, not all MAPs who come out do so for these reasons. If you are unsure why your friend or family member chose to disclose their attractions to you, just ask. They will likely welcome the opportunity to share their reasoning and explain how you can best support them.

When a MAP friend or family member discloses their attractions to you, your reaction heavily influences how comfortable they'll feel being open with you in the future. Provide reassurance and encourage them to share any additional information that they believe is relevant. If you're still not sure what to say, we've provided an example below.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to share this. I'm not going to overreact and I will support you however I can. Can I ask why you chose to tell me about this?"

After this initial reassurance, allow your friend or family member to share as much information as they want. This is likely one of the most stressful experiences of their life, so their speaking might be abrupt and hard to follow. Asking basic clarifying questions when the conversation reaches a lull will help you understand them while demonstrating that you care about and want to support them.

If you don't feel confident in your ability to react supportively at first, that's okay. Trying to hear them out is always best, but if your emotions become too strong, let them know that you need to have this conversation when you're in a better headspace. This will also give you a chance to learn more about the topic and how to respond in a way that encourages open communication.

Maintaining trust goes a long way to ensure your friend or family member feels safe opening up to you about their attractions and related support needs. You can encourage productive communication by avoiding the following:

Outing them - Your friend or family member (and possibly you) could face numerous threats to their career, housing, and wellbeing if their attractions become known to the wrong person. Let them handle decisions regarding who knows about their attractions and how others find out.

Encouraging suppression - Some people believe that MAPs are less likely to offend if they suppress their attractions and express this by encouraging MAPs they know to engage in suppression. In reality, research suggests that suppressing sexual thoughts can cause them to increase in intensity and frequency.

Controlling support - Many MAPs struggle with mental health issues and support can help them overcome these, but support works best when it is a choice. Forcing your friend or family member into certain forms of support or preventing them from accessing others could further harm their mental health.

Accusatory rhetoric - It can be tempting to "remind" your friend or family member that child sexual abuse is illegal or that children can't consent. However, this is unnecessary, as they likely wouldn't feel the need to disclose their attractions if they believed otherwise, and it may be interpreted as an accusation.

Judgment - It's okay to have strong feelings about your friend or family member's attractions, but try to express them in a supportive way. Remember, attractions alone cannot directly cause harm, and do not assume that your friend or family member has engaged in illegal activity, as most MAPs never do.

Supporting a MAP can be tricky, and it's important to ensure your friend or family member always has the final say in which sources of support they pursue. Effective support for MAPs will be centered around self-acceptance and overcoming mental health issues caused by stigma. In rare cases where a MAP is realistically concerned about their risk of offending, support may also include strategies to reduce that risk.

If you believe your MAP friend or family member would benefit from extra support, explain why you feel that way and ask if they would like your help finding support. If they say yes, you can send them our list of resources, which contains expert-backed support for MAPs. If the MAP you know is a minor, you can share our Minor MAPs page instead. You and your friend or family member can also use our Content Guidelines to evaluate any resources you find that are not on our list. Be sure to let us know if you find any that meet our requirements!

If you want to go the extra mile and help make the world a safer and more supportive place for MAPs, check out our Allies page to learn how. Most importantly, remember that your friend or family member is still the same person that you knew and cared about before they came out, and be sure to avoid treating them differently.